Been neglecting myself. Haven't showered in 3 days. I wake up at noon with a hangover on most days. Tried to keep myself busy today when I'm feeling mostly dead.
I cleaned your bathroom for the first time the other day. I wanted to preserve everything the way you left them for as long as I could. I emptied out your trash bin. I saw your cigarettes and broke down.
So much time. So much history. We used to let years go by without talking and we'd pick it up again like those years were nothing. Each time, I'd feel the same way about you as I always had.
I want to cherish the fact that at one point in my life, I got to call you mine. I got to give my all to you. I got to be completely lost in you. I got to be yours, entirely, unreservedly.
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Today I'm missing your lips more than usual. The way you'd hug me when we laid in bed before we fell asleep. How I'd move my hair up so you could nuzzle my neck. How I'd shower and drench myself in perfume before bed only to need another shower afterwards.
Waking up to the smell of your perfume before you left for work. Your kisses. You caressing my face.
