it is all still very difficult,
so perhaps I will again begin it all:
hide everything symbolically
show my world what i can be
i asked you for help:
i didn't ask you for THIS
what the heaven even is this?
does this mean i haven't let go only when i had started to think that i did?
is this physical proof that i still cling onto tormentation?
perhaps i should have a million hands on me
to help me forget every touch, every scent, every bit of sense!
out of 8 billion chances, my watch had to stop at one?
spilling myself in waterfalls would have been safer.
i cannot believe i despise it all now
what i once treasured the most.
i need you to come and save me.
i need to lose myself into you.
reality cuts deep.
nothing is sweeter and more traumatising than fiction.
i asked you for help.
i truly asked you for help.
what cards are these now?
why are these here now?
only if i could belong to any one place of anyone's choosing:
life or death.
