i know not what is happening to me;
i'm more sacred, more pragmatic than i had ever been.
and here i am, yet again,
letting myself be washed down with bucketful of thoughts
flowing steadily into my stream of consciousness
with me attempting with great difficulty that these do not overtake my space
to leave me stranded and lost.
i am the most sensible one -
i sign off from calls when it feels too much,
i give only as much as needed, no more, no less,
i speak only when i have my turn,
my tongue is controlled, my time too precious to be wasted.
but here i am,
wasting away in thoughts of nothings.
how dare i think the forbidden,
how dare my silly mind forget what is important,
how dare my stupid heart forget what happened.
legendary is an illusion,
momentary like an oasis:
one kiss, one touch, one breath to take it all away.
the pain can never be forgotten.
but it was, for one single moment,
twice in history,
like a sin aching to be relished.
but it feels repetitive,
clocks turning back to 12, proceeding in the same direction,
but are they? what will happen?
will you be smarter now?
this infatuation is ephemeral;
there is only love to seek,
only one love that can give you peace.
seek solace even if it costs you your life,
seek grace to live,
you survived.
show them you have lived on,
man or not,
give up everything,
sacrifice your life with a smile.
there will be nothing more beautiful than solace and peace.
don't let your shields come back down,
draw them up - further up - even from him.
your shields are all that you've got.
forget the bandage, the dressing he is unknowingly applying;
those burn marks can never die,
they only need their ---
it is futile,
but it is what will help you live on.
and you want to live, don't you?
if you wanted to die,
you should have simply let them burn you down
when they brought the ---
oh my dear love,
love yourself,
sacrifice everything.
no sleep, no salvation.
the only way forward is walking on needles and nails.
forget your mum's words,
it is all right.
it will be all right.
it is okay if you die.
at least you will know you tried,
that you didn't give up.
