I’m trying to find my balance,
trying to understand what I need is not
always born from what I want.
I miss her warmth and the way she
instantaneously made me feel safe.
She wishes me the best but I can’t
see her again, and my heart sinks
like it has lost a ray of sunshine.
I miss him - the way he’d check in on me,
always saying I was never too much,
until I became too much too quickly.
And I miss you - even though you’re here,
you can never be what I want.
But I wonder if it’s good -
to have heartache this deep,
or if it will continue to eat away
at all the joyful parts of me.
I mourn for everything I lost
and everything I can’t have.
I mourn for everything I have
but can’t fully enjoy.
I mourn for the me
who was carefree.
I mourn the times I was
confident there would be a
