You will find this person. I went through what you did. Love happens unexpectedly. My forever partner started out as best friends with benefits to escape the pain of the world while also actually growing to be best friends. Then a situationship where we weren't seeing anyone else but didn't have the title. Then he told me loved me 6 months after it all began and now here we are 2 years later. Remember you are always worthy no matter what anyone has inflicted on you. You are a phoenix ??