since you're gone

"I don't like people who smoke"
He said, so I stopped smoking.

He worked out so I did
my best to lose weight so he
wouldn't think I was bigger
than him.

Green was his favorite color, so
I made sure to paint it on what I carry
with me everyday.

I was afraid you would worry about me
so I never told you about the tiger stripes
on my body I have made,
or my depression.

But since you're gone, I will smoke.
In fact, I might engulf myself in it.

Since you're gone, I don't have to worry
about how I look for you.

Since you're gone, I will burn what
I made green, and never look at or take
anything green ever again.

Since you're gone, I'm hoping I will be too.