Grief stared at the sonogram with me
for the weeks that turned into months
while Logic refused to be part of the conversation
and Denial screamed at the top of their lungs
making sure they were the only one heard.
Grief sat with me
on my kitchen floor that night
Kindly hovering in the background
While Sorrow, Rage, and Fear fought over
who got to hold the reins
and control the sobbing, broken mess
I became.
Strength stood behind me in the hospital
Coached my breathing
Held my hand
Rubbed my back
Then vanished the second the nurse
placed a tiny bundle in my arms
Love rushed in, hot and fierce and
almost suffocating
Desperation committed every cell of
the still face to memory
Despair tried and failed to just
skim the surface
Until the moment was over.
Until her life was over.
Until my life as I knew it was over.
Grief held my hand on the couch
while I let TV and novels make me cry
So I could pretend I wasn’t crying for her.
Grief held my hair back in front of the toilet
while I knelt there sobbing and vomiting
the nothing but acid in my stomach.
Grief took over my thoughts in bed
while I stayed there for days at a time
Staring at nothing until sleep took over.
Grief tied an industrial strength chain
around my wrist
Linking us together
Grief whispered in my ear that I was
theirs.
Grief took control and
I let it.
