For Him

I sit here...
Trying to get these feelings out....
And down on paper...
Maybe it's all a charade...
To get the attention I've always been craving...
This isn't right...
It isn't fair..
Not to him,
Not to my brothers and sister,
Nor my parents and family...
I should have the strength to pick my self up....
I should have the self control to stop myself...
I should have the power to banish this depression...
But I won't let it through....
I want the attention depression brings...
I want people to take pity on me...
I want them to pay attention to me..
And I finally know why...
It's because the only way I've ever been shown complete attention...
Is when I'm sad and upset...
So now that's what I make myself...
Whenever I need their attention...
Whenever I need the pity...
How pathetic am I!
What a lowly human being I've become...
Putting on this charade....
Well no more!
It has to stop now,
Or it will never get the chance.
I'm taking charge now...
It'll be a hard road,
A difficult one,
But it's all for him,
And he's worth it!