Goodbye . : . The long story of me!

This is a true story. It was simply me trying to put how I am into words, but it doesn't rhyme. It is quite long and for that I apologise, but it took me a lot to write this poem and especially submit it...

I remember the first time I picked up the blade. It was over a stupid reason and I vowed that would be the only time I'd do something that stupid. And for ages I thought that was it.

But things got worse again, only after they got better. I found a new life, a love, a point, but to have it taken away by surprisingly my best friend. When I needed help and someone to stand by me there was no one because she was the one that hurt me and the only person I felt such a strong bond too. I still didn't hurt myself that much, believing that I didn't have much power in my fist.

I soon began to realise that everything was my fault and that I had to pay for everything I'd done wrong. All day I was completely happy. It was when I was alone tears poured down my face, blood poured down my arm!

Somehow out of nowhere there was a smile, a boy that was all mine keeping me there and now I had no reason to punish myself, or even spend time alone. I was in love for the first time. I often scared myself, knowing what would happen if I lost him, but I never did.

For a whole 2 months almost I didn't go near any razor, until we started to have problems, but I still knew it was my fault. It calmed down and for once I sorted it out myself and things were perfect, totally unbreakable.

But his friends got in my end and I always ended up stressed out. I didn't want him to always see me like this so I stayed quiet a lot.

I mean nothing to him now. Wherever he is I pray he isn't thinking about me, sat here with the sweatband he brought me covering up the scars he brought me, not with money, but with love.
To face up to the fact that I've lost him and it was my fault makes me want to say Goodbye to all of it.

I just wish that the first time I picked up the blade I had someone to turn to, so I wouldn't of done it. Whether it be a friend, relative, enemy or even just God I wanted someone on my side.

And to everyone that has just read this...
...I'm sorry...

rate or comment or whatever. i can't be offended cause you're commenting on the truth!