I don't think it needs any work at all. Very deep and powerful words. In a word...Brilliant!!

now that really kicks ass, totally relate, keep writing =)

this one is awesome too!

Thank u all for commenting it means so much to me that such talewnted poets like yourselves wud consider my poems gud thnk u agen

omg..this is magnificent! ohmy, lol, im out of words, you're poetry/writing is so beautiful, its powerful, i can picture the little stories and images, i love it all so much..dont stop writing, take care <333
-xoxox-
-Mortalidaga

wow, that was excellent

that was very very good. beautiful flow and it really pulled me until the very end. keep it up. take care:)

thats really good it means alot keep it up

oh wow! that wasbeautiful im sorry that ur friend is hurting, i know its hard to swallow..... hun koolwriting ur very talented
stay strong

keep writing*** is what i meant to say in my post lol

This is a good but very sad poem! it gives a lot scope in sadness! ~ Rowena (brit)

This is great of you ..