Comments : Ending Her Cries

  • 16 years ago

    by angelove

    I liked it but i know some people like to copy and paste ; say it there own but when you right something or sing something just know you brought your self into the world is enough with me and may be wright something better we all want to feel like we blong here don't you think?

  • 16 years ago

    by Rhiannon

    This is amazing.
    you have an amazing gift.
    i love it

  • 16 years ago

    by JoyAnn

    You captured two very different emotions within the same few words, and its really really amazing how it all pieced together-

    great job (: 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Cotton Candy Clouds

    I looked into her eyes
    I got lost in their depth
    A glance into the future
    Revealing the secrets she kept
    ^^i wondered what this girl was to you a friend? sister? girlfriend? what? it was a great way to draw the reader in

    For so many years she cared too
    Yet we were both afraid to say
    We avoided each other completely...
    Every time, simply another day
    ^^now im thinking x's ? maybe. the mystery component really helps to keep me reading i love suspense : )

    She cried to me one night.
    ~Please help, I don't know what to do~
    I wrapped my arms around her body.
    ~It is okay now, I'm here with you~
    ^^what happened?! and how cute : ) you care about her that was a key part of the poem because you didn't kiss her. you held her thats care and compassion not lust which is way to common now adays

    She told me about her boyfriend,
    He cheated, and hurt her bad...
    I told her not to worry...
    But in the inside I was getting mad.
    ^^ jealousy. thats exactly what came to mind

    I held back my anger...
    And I comforted her instead.
    Playing with her hair,
    She lay still on my bed.
    ^^i got the cutest picture in my head of this : ) so many girls wish for a guy to care about them in this way

    I leaned over to kiss her cheek,
    She smiled and turned to me.
    ~Thank you for being there...
    I Have finally learned to see~
    ^^ another sign of respect here! you did a great job with word choice as well

    With that she drifted off,
    I left her quietly sleeping.
    ~How could anyone want to hurt her? ~
    I ran through thoughts, my heart leaping.
    ^^ the last line really got to me i loved the description you used it help my attention

    I met up with her boyfriend,
    Swung out of pure love and rage.
    A knife stabbed through my stomach..
    ~God where were you today?~
    ^^ twist in the story it was so sudden it took me a second to believe it great emotion at the end as well

    My head smacking onto the pavement,
    My breath getting thin...
    My vision blurred and fading slowly...
    This was a battle I could never win.
    ^^ the last line indicates that you never expected to win the fight but felt the fight still needed to happen i love poems that are deeper than the typed words on the page

    As this darkness consumes me...
    Light fills my eyes...
    I am proud to have lost my life,
    If it meant ending her cries...
    ^^ so sad yet you just want to smile!
    ironic way to word the poem i loved it though you did an amazing job! : )5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Nicole

    OMG!.. lol all i have to say..

  • 15 years ago

    by Sofie

    Jesus christ! That was really amazing, i almost started crying. And im not very emotional. Keep up the good work, I would like to read more of your work.

  • 15 years ago

    by ToRn iiN2 PeIcEs

    Awww this is so freakin sad
    i reallly like it :)

  • 14 years ago

    by White Orchid

    I am new to this site, but I just wanted to let you know that this poem was amazing!! I love poems that tell a story, and it was awesome!! :)

  • 14 years ago

    by ganjaru

    Wow!

  • 14 years ago

    by Salvatore

    I only wish I could write something as meaningful as this.

  • 13 years ago

    by Milo

    A beautiful poem. Sad with emotions. I love it. Its amazing, even if there were grammatical errors, I still would have been overcome by your brilliance.

    Thank you.

  • 13 years ago

    by L

    I love it! Its absolutely amazing. I don't have enough words to express how i feel about it. I just love it!

  • 13 years ago

    by never give up

    That was really touching. I cried. Your amazing. c:

  • 13 years ago

    by Burning Angel

    Wow.. this brought chills :) it was amazing

  • 13 years ago

    by Dark Love

    *Clapping* I loved this so much. I wish that there was a rating higher thana 5 cuz you really deserve more than that. This is the best peice that I've read in a while. I 't made me cry, it made me smile. I wasnt sure about how it made me feel, just a wave of emotions all tangled together. Well written, inspirational and heart warming. You really are such a talented writier. Continue writing, and if anyone tells you that you're a bad writer, they are either lying to you or have no taste in written art.

  • 12 years ago

    by PhadaOfficial

    Visit www.phadaofficial.blogspot.com for variety of exceptional poems

  • 12 years ago

    by Samantha

    Wow this is an amazing poem!!! it is really good u can feel the love!!

  • 12 years ago

    by radio host

    I would love for you to read your poem on my radio show by phone. If interested email me, thanks !

  • 12 years ago

    by Angel

    That was excellent! wish every body was like that.

  • 12 years ago

    by StevenSilvernail

    What a way with words I like it a lote.