This time imprefect

The pain I feel cant be expressed.
Because I hold it deep within my chest.
I bury it deep within my mind.
So that not even I will be able to find.
All the things causing my pain.
All the things I live for day to day.
Nothing helps to ease the pain.
Not even crying will make it go away.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Whether or not to die on the floor.
Thinking about the future brings a knot to my stomach.
Nothing in me will make me want to touch it.
I don't want it to break before I'm even there.
Always feel as if no one else cares.
Knowing that parts of my past were not real.
Makes me think I should no longer feel.
It hurts so much inside to feel the way I do.
But I don't want to ever hurt you.
Its only me I am willing to kill.
You will always be safe when it comes to my will.
You say that you care but all I feel is cold.
Is this how it will be till I am old?
If thats how its going to be.
Then I don't want to continue being me.
You said once you loved me but lied to my face.
I'm not mad, it's me who's a disgrace.
I should have known not to trust my heart.
You were going to leave me from the very start.