To Mom

Mom, I want to tell you something
That's why I'm writing this to you
You knew this was bound to happen
Sometime soon

Life was just getting too hard
It was just too much to bear
No one ever loved me
No one really did care

You told me you loved me
But that doesn't count
Because you never really trusted me
I realize that now

But that's not the point
I loved him a lot
But he didn't feel the same
So he left me here to rot

He called me a freak
And made me look like a fool
Maybe he thought if he did that
People would call him cool

Well, he's not cool in my opinion
Not anymore
All I wanted was for him to be nice
Was that too much to ask for?

So now it's come to this
My last and only hope
The cutting didn't do anything
Well, it kind of helped me cope

It did for a little while, anyway
But I needed to do something better
So now it's come to suicide
That's why I'm writing you this letter

Don't be upset, Mom
Please don't cry
You knew this would happen
So don't ask, "Why?"

I needed something
To ease the pain
I thought of possibly
Getting hit by a train

No, no, that would hurt
So I thought to myself
What about being hung
With my dad's old belt?

But, no, that would hurt too
I needed something painless
I thought about slitting my throat
That would definitely end this mess

No, that wouldn't do
That would make too much of a mess
How about overdosing?
Out of all things, that sounded best

So when you read this
You know I'll be dead
And when you put me in my casket
Remember what I said

Don't ever cry
Because of me
I'm not worth
Anyone's tears, you see

It's just better this way
So don't be sad
When I reach Heaven
I'll be glad

Heaven will be way better
Than this Hell in disguise
I'm almost done with this letter
Now I have to say good-bye

Good-bye to everyone
Who ever gave me a second glance
Good-bye to everyone
Who ever gave me a chance

And good-bye to you, Mom
I love you a lot
Don't ever forget that
I don't ever wanna be forgot

Rachel Crombie--8//12//04