My Suicide Note. (Edited.)

The painful memories as a child
Return to me almost every day
How much I was teased and bullied
The pain just doesn't go away.

Their words bled inside my head
All their painful jokes they made
To amuse only but themselves
I've been nothing but betrayed

Such low lives putting others down
To only satisfy their bitter needs
For them to feel full and complete
They will come and will succeed.

Until they know how it feels like
Apologies are definitely made
They are so sickening and tiring
From all of them I've been afraid.

They stole something of mine
Something I wish I had once again
If my self-esteem ever came back
I wouldn't be feeling so much pain.

For three years of being the victim
So many feelings rush inside
Thinking if you tell someone
All those feelings you have to hide.

It's never easy telling a friend
What things you've been through
Scared they might not help you
Being the person you never knew.

The few friends I have made now
Always asking to see if I'm okay
But I think I know they don't care
If I'm alive or dead today.

I've been wanting my suicide
Ever since I was a little girl
I deserved nothing in this life
Always feeling so much hurt.

Self-esteem if you don't come back
I will understand clearly why for why
My parents and my dear friends
Will understand why I died.

Depression if you don't leave me
I will leave myself behind
And everyone will clearly know
The things I couldn't find.

Each night of crying all my tears
Hiding from all the feelings I feel
So never again will they ever return
All the pain, all of it will heel.

My heart has been broken in two
I thought we would never part
How could I think he loved me?
Instead, my heart, broke apart.

But now it's all going to be okay
There's reasons and I know why
So please, my friends, and family
As I go do not grieve or cry.

Chelsey, I will miss you badly
You were there at my side
At times I had my doubts
And could feel it inside.

But don't worry about me anymore
My best friend, I definitely knew
There's just one more thing
I love you.

Kelsey, I loved being around you
Always willing to make me laugh
Even when I was really sad
You always made me laugh.

I want to thank you for being there
I loved you for being my friend
But I'm sorry and I'll miss you
Everything just had to end.

Jenna, Thanks for supporting me
Always talking things through
Whenever we had our doubts
We'd fix it, we both knew.

I loved you for being my friend
I will miss you very deeply
But as you can see
I couldn't make it clearly.

Thank you my beautiful friends
For all the times you've tried
I felt I wasn't good enough
I love you all, but good-bye.

Mom and Dad, I loved you so
Even when I didn't show it
In our family I always felt
I didn't ever fit.

I wish I could of been something
A bit more than I already was
But you helped me at times
Through my wrongs and flaws.

Sister Olivia, I love you so much
I will definitely miss you a lot
You scared away my fears
All my tears you've caught.

You always filled me with hope
We helped each other through
I'm sorry I had to go this way
But sister, I love you too.

Brother Tom, I will miss you a lot
Although we had stupid fights
And arguments we've forgot
You have always been my light.

I love you so much, I always did
I looked up to you in so many ways
At times I felt my doubts
But now, you'll know I'm okay.

People who were miserable to me,
You will never know the aching pain
I felt sharpen inside me every day
All because of you the hurt remained.

Next time you make fun of someone
Think twice before you speak
Just because they're different
Doesn't mean you can call them freaks

You have no right to put them down
I was one of them and felt ashamed
I was a victim of many cruel people
But in many ways, you were to blame.

I wanted my suicide
I'm sorry I've died
The pain has left
And so have I.

*I've spent a lot of time writing this. Every inch of it is true. I've been planning my suicide, and have been doing some serious thinking. I just don't care anymore. But thanks for reading my poem.*