I think you have done pretty damn well for you second poem. My suggestion would be to try and make sure that they flow a bit better. It was just a bit uneven and hard to read at some points. You did pretty well at describing what had happened but i think the poem would have been better if you had more descriptive feelings in there. other then that i gave it a 5! If you get time check out some of my poems and tell me what you think?

() () nice poem
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