A Perfect Moment

by David C   Aug 21, 2004


My first non-rhyming poem. Please give advice!

I sit here aloof, completely alienated from my professor and classmates. I stare blankly into the bright rays of sunshine, gleaming through the open windows and I suddenly disappear. I am no longer in this troubled world of worries. I just see you... Your unbelievably cute smile, the gentle look in your eyes. You are far beyond beautiful. I can actually feel your affectionate kiss, with your soft lips on mine. You are completely irresistible. In this moment when I think of you, in this one breath in which I feel your love, everything is perfect. I feel as if this special love will last forever. I feel no worries, no fear, no hate. I only feel love for you... But in a single second, I awaken from this nightmare that can never come true. I feel no love... Only a sudden cold, a chill up my spine. It's just a normal day. Nothing special...

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Latest Comments

  • 20 years ago

    by Mephastophilis

    This is ExCCeleNt. I really like the description and the passion behind it. great work. xmollyxx

  • 20 years ago

    by Kevin J

    I think you did a good job. I've tried writing poems without rhyming and it's really really hard...really:p I admire anyone that can, and you seemed to pull it off nicely;)

    Thanx 4 your comment btw

  • 20 years ago

    by Amy

    Wow that was amazing work! Keep it up

  • 20 years ago

    by Gracie Jo

    I liked this poem a lot. Sometimes in order to get your feelings out you will have to write a non-rhyming poem. It was very good, keep it up! =)

    ~Grace

  • 20 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    That is a lovely unrhymed poem. In unrhymed poems I feel because you don't have the rhyming to help with the flow and emotions, you have put a lot in yourself, this is what you did. I loved your descriptions and the emotions in the poem. I thought it was a beautiful love poem.
    I have never seen a paragraph poem either. Maybe you could put it in the lay out of a poem. What I mean is add stanzas, or breaks for extra effect, eg where you put ... it could change to a new stanza. But it's totally up to you, just an idea.
    Great work.

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