Repetition

God, what exactly did I do
To deserve this pain that you're putting me through?
I try so hard to understand.
But now I'm at the mercy of your hand.
Each night I cry myself to sleep.
Wishing and praying for some relief.
Then came the day I could take it no more.
I opened the bottle
And closed the door.
I counted them out one by one.
Each promising escape.
A chance to feel numb.
I've been lost for so long.
I don't know where to go.
How did I get here?
I have to know.
Now I feel relaxed.
Nothing can faze me.
I'm grasping the moment.
Won't let it escape me.
I know of the dangers
And what could result.
But still the pain shoots through me like a lightning bolt.
The relief is gone
As quick as it came.
I am back where I started.
Nothing has changed.