The Plain Truth-Take It or Leave It

I slit my wrists for one last time,
Watching the beads as the slide down.
I know this doesn’t help me to escape,
I turn from the mirror as my lips crease a frown.

I used to think this was the only way,
To snatch my fears and disappear.
Now I sit is shame realizing,
I wasn’t trying to disappear, merely re-appear.

So many times I felt neglected, misunderstood, out of place,
People looking at me as though I don’t belong here.
I look around at all the stares,
Shrivel away and find my lost fears.

I have no one to turn to,
Even my own father hates me.
I used to be a daddy’s girl,
But then he looked inside of me and saw what only I could see.

For the first time in my life I felt misjudged,
No matter how I tried.
My truth formed false,
In that instant happiness fried.

I began to get hectic,
Wondering what I was thought to be.
Transformed out of consciousness,
Just trying to be what they wanted of me.

Finally I shouted, “I give up!”,
Whatever I did wasn’t good enough.
I would get looks of confusion, hatred, and concern,
Everything was one big bluff.

I started to be who I wanted to be,
Looking past what people thought of me.
I’m still not happy, just satisfied,
I am finally me, what I wanted to see.

I wear what I want,
I think it I speak it,
I have found my self-esteem,
Take it or leave it.

Megan 2004 §