Smoking Skies

Not many poems are portrayed this vividly.. anyone reading this should be able to see the pictures you paint with your words. Poems that come from the heart are always great :) 5/5 -John

Your right there are alot of commas, but I place them intentionaly and yes I wanted it to come over as a pause in my poem.

I'm glad for your critism, and I will try to look more carefully where and when I place a comma.
Another lesson that I learned

Thanks for that =)

I liked the beginning a great deal, but I think the ending wasn't as good. It got a little jumpy and jumbled around there, and all the "I"s at the start of the sentences sort of make a not-so-good repitition. However, the beginning interested me a lot. I liked how you said "The river who is close to me, is so cold. "
although you do not need the comma before is and after me. The "who" in that sentence gives the river life, as if you could talk to it, and I thought the symbolism behind that was interesting as well.

Something I just noticed is that you have a lot of commas in your poem that don't need to be there, are you trying to use the commas as an artificial pause in your poem, because when I read it, I sorta just read it as if the commas aren't there, so maybe I'm missing the point of them. I know you said that english isn't your first language, and so I was wondering if the commas were intentional or if they were mistakes.