Baby Boys Eyes

I hate my life and can never win
I have committed each and every sin
Think I have even created new sins of my own
In this world I feel trapped and so very alone…

All the battles I've stood tall and fought
Too much spent alone with my own thoughts
The future so distant and the walls are just so high
I’m lacking success no matter how hard I try…

When things get better and I’m half way up that wall
Everything crashes down and back to the bottom I fall
Why do I bother how can I continue this fight
It plagues me so deeply I cannot get to sleep at night…

I’m exhausted and breathless from trying to stay strong
Don’t know if I can live like this for very long
Could never completely let go of the past
And though time and the years and flying by so fast…

The memories remain vivid and crystal clear
I blame no one but myself for getting my life here
I’m a proud and defiant person defined by purpose and culture
Its like my spirits been held down and attacked by vicious vultures…

From the youngest age I have the most stubborn mind
Really so innocent and lone searching the world to find
To find out whom I am and exactly why I was put here
I lost loved ones and friends and shed countless tears…

Where do I belong and what is the purpose of my life
Can I go through any more trouble and survive any further strife
I just don’t know anymore and I surrender my two hands
And I am just so desperate for a soul who understands…

Unable to reach out while I'm struggling on my own
Being a mother and maintaining a home
It is far from easy and my life can be pretty tough
But I knew getting involved that this road would be rough…

As much as I adore the sight of my son
Its hard trying to achieve all I want after everything I have done
It is not his fault and I do not blame him the tiniest ounce
For his is the most pure and true love I have found…

Every time I am in regret or wishing my demise
I find that bit of hope I need in my baby boy’s eyes…