I Confess

It rains in my heart
when I think of you.
One day my heart
will be that of a storm.
Because one day
when I'm standing
in front of all our loved
ones your heart will
be cold.

Your body will be stiff
and your makeup
will on.
Even though you
haven't worn makeup
sense god, I can't even
remember.

My eyes are filling up
with tears right now.
Because I write this
to confess something
to you grandma.

I stopped visiting you
because I'm afraid
to see you in the nursing
home.
Afraid to see you in
the wheelchair.
Afraid to see you
when you don't know
who I am.

We were once so close
and now I feel I have
drifted so far from you.
And I'm sorry for this.
But my heart is filled
with sadness long
before it should I guess.

I love you even though
I stopped holding your
hand.
Even though I stopped
singing with you.
Even though I stopped
cooking with you.

I love you grandma
even though I'm weak
and my fears keep me
from seeing you.

I got married grandma
I confess this to you.
I wanted you there
and it just wasn't the same
without you.

I confess to you
grandma,
That I've stolen some money.
When I was younger
I had a drug problem.
I blamed it on your illness.
And I'm sorry I wronged
you like that.

I can't take these back.
and one day I'll regret
not going to see you.
But I want to each and
everyday.

I still love you
that will never go away.
I just can't bring myself
to drive to visit you
and see you in so much
pain.
I can't let myself
cry in front of you
because you would
not want that.

I'm weak grandma
and this I'm sorry.
But today I confess
to you all my sins
and why I haven't
stopped by to say
I LOVE YOU.

'I Confess' Copyright © Jacki Ford