First Step To Recovery

I wonder to myself,
Why am I so sad.
What is the cause of this,
What makes me feel so bad.

I think of fighting,
Lying and crying.
I think of trying,
I think I am dying.

I spend my time with personality tests,
To see if I'm alright.
It says I shouldn't fret,
That I sit wide awake, face streaks with tears, all the long night.

Of course a test couldn't possibly care,
About my sleepless nights.
There isn't much else to turn to,
I pray with all my might.

Even Heavenly Father,
Doesn't understand the way I feel.
It's not like I deserve this,
I never once did steal.

I didn't brake the law,
In any little way.
But still my repayment,
Is depression each an every day.

I want to understand what it is I did so wrong,
It must be pretty bad,
To suffer like this,
To make me feel this sad.

I muster up everything I have been through,
I shove it all inside.
In ways I think this helps,
Shrivel up and die, I try.

I don't want to feel these feelings,
I try to rid them from my mind.
What do you expect me to do,
When you just shove them back inside.

I want to clear things up,
But first I need to know.
I need to fight my sorrow,
I need to let it show.

Megan 2004 §