Lake Of Self-Pity

*I wasn't allowed to post this in the "Sad Poems" category(where it should be) because it has too many slang words in it???:p*

Do you know what it's like..
To lie awake in the night
Counting blessings you dressed in regrets
Wishing you could go back
To erase some mistakes
And not do one's you haven't done yet?

Do you know what it's like..
To wake up everyday
Still depressed with Ill thoughts in your head
Still stuck in that place
Where you made that mistake
And now your mom's couch is your bed

Do you know what it's like..
When the man in the mirror
Stares back with the deadest of eyes?
Just a shadow of someone
you once thought was cool
Now you mourn for the part you saw die

Do you know what it's like..
When what little you treasure
Gets lost or just taken away
So you stop showing interest
In him, her, and it,
For fear they'd be gone the next day

Do you know what it's like..
Not having one friend
You can call up and say "lets hang out"
So you sulk in that place
Where you first met disgrace
Reinforcing your wall of self doubt

Do you know what it's like..
To pretend your alright
Brightly smiling while dieing inside
Never wanting to purposely
Rain on a day thats been good
So you smiled and lied

Do you know what it's like..
To be so out of touch
Just to speak is arduous task
So you stand there and listen
Not saying a word
Unless answering a question thats asked

Do you know what it's like..
Not wanting to lie
but the pain from the truth you cant bare
Then the stories and lies
Start to eat you alive
To the point where you no longer care

Do you know what it's like..
To have feelings that might
Be considered by most to be wrong
So those feelings you keep
Locked inside, hidden deep
It's the secret you keep till your gone

Do you know what it's like..
To spend your whole life
Steady seeking approval of others
Keeping anger at bay
Watching close what you say
Because dislike and lonely are brothers

Do you know what it's like..
You dumb snot?, I think not!
Your opinions of me don't mean jack
OK, maybe they do
Thats just my little ruse
To get you in close to get smacked

Though it's not in my nature
To be a mean prick
I'll be one when life starts to suck
And your positive outlook
Of "life's not that bad"
Is the angriest nerve you can pluck

So speak what you know
And Know what you speak
But never say how I should feel
Till you walk in my shoes
For as long as I did
Only then can you tell me the deal

You don't know what it's like..
Beat your feet, take a hike
Off that pier in My Lake of Self Pity
Maybe someday
I'll climb out of that lake
But right now I'll just drag you down with me

*This is old, but at the time I wrote this, my lake of self-pity was deep...lol There were alot of things going bad in my life. I know the last stanza's seem harsh/mean, but that's how I felt at the time. I actually edited out alot of stuff. At that time, I wasn't hearing much of anything fam or friends said to help me. I was angry at the world. I've always been a very optimistic person, but for about a month, I was feeling really sorry for my-self. Depression can be a really serious thing at times, and I found support from fam + friends can help, but ultimately, the only one that can pull you out of it is "You!"*