Hard To Say So

I’m in disbelief this is happening
That this is where you and I have come to be
And that in you being so far away
Has taken part of your love for me.
You’re always so far out of my reach
I can’t deal with kind of communication
I’m beginning to doubt the strength of our love
And contemplate the possibility of infatuation.
Its aches you know, it really does hurt
Carrying around this hidden burden of doubt
Its as though I’m starting to lose you slowly
I’m confused as to what these feelings are about.
Perhaps my paranoia has simply taken over
Or my trait of jealously has kicked in
As much as I do not want to believe it
I know this is where the hard times just begin.
The hurt I feel is more betrayal
Not the hurt of your love being lost
More my selfish side not being able to have myself
Is what cuts and me the most.
I’m analysing where my life is going
The potential idea of a life without you
How would things and stuff turn out for me?
Could I survive and what would I do.
That’s a tragedy in itself I think
The extent of my burden of doubt
And the guilt of pretending to you it’s not real
But it’s so difficult for me to let out.
And on another serious note
In this situation what can I really say?
Especially on the phone or in a letter
There’s no respect in telling you that way.
I know that I have to see you
But I am procrastinating that too
Fear and confusion of the thought of your eyes
And speaking the truth of my feelings for you.
How when you’re not with me I cannot sleep
And how this keeps me up each and every night
That I can’t believe myself anymore
And keep telling myself it’ll all be all right.
You’re the one who need to start making the promises
But how can you when your no where to be found
Can’t convince my heart or mind a moment longer
That your always going to be there and around.
As much as I would really like to
This vibe I get from you pushes me away
In a sense maybe I have come to the realisation
That perhaps you prefer things this way.
If that’s the case then I can adjust
You just need to be a man and let me know
Then again I can completely relate
In finding it hard to say so...

Votes and comments welcome!