Try and Feel the Way I Do

What really happened between us,
You used to be my best friend.
When I really needed you,
Your schedule would bend.

Now you don't even have time,
For the simplest phone call.
Everyday we would make it to the park,
You would scream praise as I caught that ball.

You tell me that I speak no truth,
And to stop telling lies.
I never told you anything untrue,
You act as if it's good I continue to die.

You tell me to stop,
I just shrug,
But then you go and wonder,
Why I never give you hugs.

I don't understand,
You tell me to never lie to you.
But then you go and ask,
Why I no longer say I love you.

You want the truth,
Well here it is.
You stabbed me in the back,
Now I hope you can handle this.

I no longer feel for what used to be there,
Our father daughter relationship.
Everything we had has crashed,
When you thought everything I said was just giving you lip.

I never tried to talk back,
In fact I was a perfect angel.
I always got good grades,
Now I am just another stranger.

On my birthday,
All I got was a card.
I know it's the thought that counts,
But your words were just so cold.

Dear Megan,
I hope your life is going well.
Know what dad,
I hope you rot in jail.

You deserve,
To be locked away,
For everything you did to me,
Each and everyday.

You would wake me up,
In the wee hours of the night.
Just to yell at me,
You only wanted a fight.

Well a fight I put up,
That's what you really wanted.
You just looked right past the sadness,
My room you locked me in.

I hardly ever ate,
Thanks to you.
I weighed about 50 pounds,
At age eight plus two.

I would run upstairs,
And sneak any snack I could.
I read about six thousand books,
More than I thought I ever would.

Now go ahead and ask me,
Ask me once again,
Why I never tell you I love you,
And treat you like a sin.

You never saw me dying inside,
I would dream of happiness in everything I dreamt
You were my best friend,
You said everything that you meant.

Too late to make things better,
The knife is still in my back.
Look inside my heart,
I'm trying to heal that crack.

Maybe you want to see me this time,
Maybe you really do.
As far as I'm concerned,
I could care less about you.

You have tried to mend things,
With the simple words ‘I want to see you'.
It's going to take a hella lot more than that,
I look at the things you do, you know I could sue.

I guess I know inside,
You are the only father I will ever have.
You think you deserve forgiveness just for that,
Look back at the ways you behaved.

You said I was no longer like a daughter to you,
You said I burnt the bridges.
I never did a thing but love you,
You created all those ridges.

I don't care how long it takes,
If what you say is true.
You will spend your whole life,
Trying to make things return to bright blue.

If you really care,
It won't matter how long it takes.
To take back all you said,
And chisel out that hate.

Your words no longer mean a thing,
You will have to do so much better than that.
Maybe take me back to the park,
And remind me just how to swing that bat.

When you try and hug me,
I only push and shove.
I never will miss you,
Just know that I do still love.

I don't even refer to you as father,
I call you by your given name.
You think I am the one who caused this,
Look in the mirror and try and point the blame.

Maybe it was my entire fault,
Sorry I even tried to care.
So when you try and point that finger my way,
I really hope it's something you can bare.

Megan 2004 §