I love it. It is really intense. You have great talent. I hope you keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your poems

Tasha S

You really have some syllable problems.
I don't knwo.
To me, a poem also has to look pretty.
Your wording was good and all
But this really didn't seem to catch my attention.
There was nothing that interseting in it.
I'm sorry :[

I love reading your poems.. your so good. keep it up!

Simply wonderful story!
If this has happened in your life to someone / anyone that you know - you have my condolences. If not, you have a wonderful imagination. The story portrayed is second to none.

You let yourself down drastically in this piece, way too many spelling mistakes. It seriously takes the edge off a very, very good poem.

"Both work at there (their) tasks with feverish delight," Same mistake 1 line down.
"Their work is what they are married too (to),"
"but neither one no where (nowhere, or know where) to go."
"They hold the triggers, of there (their) gun,"
"Knowing that in this out come (outcome) there..."
There are a few more, but you get the jist.

It definitely spoiled this wonderful poem for me. I would ask that you PM me when you have re-worked this piece and I will leave a completely different comment.

~Pete.

This one didn't keep my attention, and i had to re-read it a couple of times to get all the way through it. I liked the concept though. but the rhyming seemed forced. Not all poems have to rhyme.. maybe try something like that because you have beautiful and wonderful ideas filled with emotion and feeling. i think with a little work on these poems, you could be great! :o]

The only thing that let's this poem down is the spelling.

I noticed a lot of errors in this poem, and I notice Pete has pointed them out above. I agree, it takes the edge of what is actually a very good piece.

I absolutely loved the ending in this, I certainly didn't see that coming, and I thought the whole idea of this was both original and unique in concept.

An exellent poem , I personally couldn't find any flaws , great imagary xxx alex xxx

This is a good poem..although in some places your flow was a bit off and some lines were too long... but i liked the concept.

"On obeying every rule to no end,"

^^in this line you might want to change the word "on" to "one"

but other than that it was pretty good 5/5