Watch As I Hold It In

I know this child,
Who is not all there.
You can't really blame her,
The power of a hating stare.

She used to be so happy,
Always full of life.
Now she is filled with sorrow,
Glance at her parental strife.

She would tuck it all in,
Letting no one know.
She no longer trusted anyone,
She had no one to show.

All she could do,
Was hide behind her sadness.
Every moment she didn't cry,
Adds another brick of unhappiness.

After so long she began to forget,
The reason why she tries not to cry.
Sometimes she needs a reason,
Just to stay and try.

In full knowledge she knew,
What digging up the past could do.
After so long she needed the hope,
A place to know she belonged to.

So she reached inside her head,
Tearing apart her heart.
Closing her eyes gasping,
She remembered the start.

It had started with divorce,
Never letting go a tear.
Always the tough one,
She could show no fear.

She even watched her older brother cry,
But still no water fell from her eyes.
Ever holding it in,
As they were saying their last good-byes.

She and her father grew apart,
Now knowing the feeling of resentment.
They no longer talk to each other,
Discarded letters unsent.

Her mother and her,
They don't get along.
Everything she does,
It just seems to be wrong.

I know you have felt that feeling,
Like nothing you do is right.
Maybe you're like her,
Bundling everything up all tight.

Well she has found the purpose,
For not crying each night.
She can't put it into words,
It just wouldn't seem right.

For how can you possibly describe a feeling,
Let everyone know what goes on inside.
It takes time, trust, and love.
Maybe be her guide.

She just needs someone there to listen,
Really try and care.
Knowing others have it so much worse than her,
This is my life and it's not fare.

I should be out playing,
Not hidden between these walls.
This is me and that is that,
Watching my confidence as it falls.

I feel so trapped,
Disgraced out of rage.
Slamming back and forth,
Clutching the bars of my cage.

Let me out,
I swear I will try.
You've kept me in sadness so long,
I think I have begun to die.

You have whispered to me softly,
I can't come out until I cry,
For you have noticed,
The real reason why I die.

I just stare in wonder,
How can I just cry.
After all this time,
After all I've tried.

So I sit all stubborn,
Like I always was.
You repeat my past to me,
Sitting to watch what it does.

Everything reminding me,
I start to suck it up.
I see my reflection,
As I stare into a discarded cup.

I look into my eyes,
Seeing all the strain.
Finally the tears come down,
Pouring like the rain.

I glance up at my whisperer,
Who talked to me in my ear.
I smile up at him,
As he wipes away my last tear.

Megan 2004 §