That Damn Cat

Okay, this might seem a little petty,
But I've got to get it off my chest!
I've never been jealous of any man,
But that cat is becoming a pest!

I tried to throw him out of the window,
That's how I got my arm all tore up!
See where he latched on and climbed back in?!
Hell, you don't even need a close-up!

He gets all of my lady's attention!
And I just hate when he struts up to gloat!
I'm even outnumbered in arguments,
'Cause she lets the damn cat have a vote!!

Now, is that fair?! I tell you, that ain't right!
And she brought that thing into MY house!
He thinks he's bad when he can scratch me up,
But his useless butt can't catch a mouse!

And I tell you, that ain't the worst of it!
Check out what he does when I'm sleeping!
He waits till I'm having a real good dream,
Then under my sheets he comes creeping!!

Does this look like a scratching post to you?!
And that ain't no damn way to wake up!!
I'm at the end of my rope with that cat!!
And don't tell me to kiss and make up!

That damn cat would just rip my lips right off!!
And my wife, she ain't no help at all!
She acts like that cat can't do nothing wrong!
I'd like to throw him against the wall!!

I'm here to tell you, that cat is evil!
He never lets me get any rest!
I wake up and find him starring at me,
'Fore he sharpens his claws on my chest!

But I came up with a plan to strike back,
When I went out last night for my jog!
That damn cat don't know who he's messin' with!
Today I'm gonna get me a dog!!

End.