I Want To Wear Women's Clothing (A tribute to Monty Python)

I Want To Wear Women's Clothing
By Mark Spencer

I'm the king of Macedonia, Alexander is my name.
And if you really must know, conquering the world is my game.

But I have a slight dilemma concerning my eldest son.
He was seen dressed in women's clothing at the temple of the sun.

That simply will not do, you can't conquer the world wearing a dress!
"But father, I don't want to conquer the world, I must confess."

What?! What do you mean, you don't want to conquer the world, you twit?!
Don't you realize this is the family business, or did you forget?

"I'm just not passionate about things like conquering and war.
Lounging around in women's clothing is something I adore."

I conquered the entire known world, and you don't even want it?!!
"I want to wear women's clothing in public, so I can flaunt it!"

Absolutely not!!! I am Alexander The bloody Great!!!
No son of mine is going to be seen in public in that state!!!!

"I want to sniff flowers too. And run naked through the men's barracks!
I want young goats to suckle my nipples, while I sing to clerics."

"I want to stand on top of a pyramid for all to see,
while husky naked men gently throw little meat sticks at me!"

Never!!!! This is my world! Do you here me girly boy?! Its mine!!!
"But father, the feeling of the wind up your skirt is so divine!"

I don't care! Think of what the Hittites would say if they found out!!
And you know how the Hittites are, soon all would know, without a doubt!

I would be a laughing stock once they were finished flapping their gums!
They'd say there goes Alexander whose son is off picking plums!

"Oh father, I don't even like plums, I get the winds, it's not discreet!"
I don't need to hear about the kinds of fruits you like to eat!!

"Father if you won't let me be myself, I'll just run away!"
Run away! Run away! That's the answer for everything today!

"Don't worry father, I'd first be sure to take off all of my cloths.
Then stand around in the market place with a ring in my nose!"

I blame your mother for this!! You should have stopped breast feeding at twenty!
Explaining this to those bloody Greeks will be trouble aplenty.

“Well, there it is. Mustn't do anything to upset the Greeks, right?"
What's all this then? Don't you know they live right next door and love to fight?

"Indeed I do! They love to fight and to frolic and to spank!"
All right, I've had about enough of that! Must you be so frank?

"At least I wasn't found without my knickers, out in the sheep pens!"
That can be explained!!! Ask Aristotle or any one of my friends!

Do you want the world to look at me with disrespect and loathing?
"Maybe you should try it yourself before you knock women's clothing.'

"Here, try this summer toga with these sandals made of leather!"
Wow! This could be a father and son thing we could do together!

Very well, but I get the pink toga with the gold inscriptions!
"That's my favorite! It was given to me by the Egyptians!"

Oh yes, You were right about that breeze! A refreshing sensation!
"Don't ruin my toga with your frolicking and celebration!'

"Father, I can't believe you're acting this way! What have you become?"
What I've always been, you fool! Where do you think you got it from?

Come on! Lets stick our bottoms out at the Sumerians, shall we?!
'Father, stop that! Be careful! No! Give that toga back to meeeeeee!!"

End.