There was a girl and she wore fairy wings
Because she was afraid of losing herself
And the glistening wings kept her sane
She wore striped leg warmers and soccer cleats
She didn't play soccer but she liked the way the cleats sounded
When she walked
She didn't want to be like everyone else
Yet still people were drawn to her
Like a moth to a flame
They wanted to ease her pain
And heal whatever made her hurt
They wanted to hold her
But she was so fragile
Sometimes she wore all black and put on Cotton candy lip gloss
And drank too much coffee
She dreamed of being a poet or an artist
Thinking that art could make her whole
She spent most of her time daydreaming
It was her best defence against herself
Sometimes she turned to the knife
When she wanted to stop thinking
She felt alone
And to her it seemed that no one cared
She would write her poetry late at night
When she couldn't sleep
It kept away the suffocating darkness
She stopped eating and always felt dizzy
She wished she were tinker bell or something beautiful
And full of light
She wished she could find a guy who would understand her
A guy who believed in fairies
And understood why she had to cut
she wanted to be that special girl that he had been looking for
She wanted him to kiss her in the rain and read her poetry
She wanted him to make her OK and to break the curse
She thought to much and read books to escape from reality
She dreamed of being happy and painted black and white pictures
Of lost dreams and bleeding crimson hearts
She talked too much to herself and wore a black rose around her neck
And no one understood
She cried at night
Wishing someone was there to hold her
She cut deep into her wrists
And thought of suicide
But really she was afraid of dying
She colored her hair and pretended that she didn't notice
The way people stared at her
Guys with their hungry, longing expressions
Ready to devour her if she got to close
And she wished she could find her prince
He would take her dancing and make her feel alive
He wouldn't let the darkness steal her away
At night when he held her, his comforting words
Would make all the bad stuff melt away
But deep down she knew this prince never existed
never would
She looked in the mirror
And didn't recognise the girl looking back
Red rimmed eyes, a pale face, the marks on her wrists
And the emptiness was startling
She walked alone at night and climbed trees
Staring at the sky, trying to forget
And slip into a state where things actually meant something
She wore her wings and wished she could fly
When a boy touched her it felt as though
Her skin was burning
She didn't want to be touched by them
She knew that she would break apart
They told her she was beautiful and she would turn away
Worn out and faded
The only thing that could make her smile
Was her best friend in the whole world
When her friend was around it seemed like the sun had come out
But as soon as she was alone again
It took every bit of energy not to give up
She liked the red of her blood and the control
She liked the metallic taste
It helped her remember what it was like to feel
She didn't believe in happy endings
Or true love
At night she would wish on stars
Begging God to make her feel less worthless
She tried to be strong even when she felt so vulnerable
To her, love was a poison
And she tried to push away those who seemed to care
She hides her soul behind vacant eyes that leak silver tears
She feels empty
Some days she could barely get out of bed
She didn't know why life was worth living
But she was more afraid of death, of nothingness
Eternity
And she cries wishing there was more
There used to be a girl who wore fairy wings
She is still here
Though her soul and heart are hidden behind
Her steel grey eyes and fake smile
She's waiting to be rescued
Yet she knows not to believe
She knows it's hard to forget
Easier to pretend.
