Never Was

Clouded thoughts within my mind
Cant seem to force them out...
Cant see what I used to be.
All I see now is my own doubt.
The doubt about myself,
And why I don't belong here.
Why I've wasted my breathe.
Why I can't conquer what I fear.
I used to be able to think strait.
But now I can't think at all...
This has built up for so long inside
Constant paranoia has made me stumble and fall.
Sometimes I feel like life is too much.
The constant problems I have kill me everyday.
Yet for some reason I'm still here.
Though some days I'd just like to take it away...
I close my eyes and search for sanctuary.
But I can't seem to find it anywhere.
Forever forsakened in my endless search.
For something that was never there....