Three Years Ago

Drowning alone in my salty tears
I remember what you said
But I can?t seem to conquer these fears
This evil locked in my head

Bleeding alone in my crimson bed
I call out in the night
I know it?s selfish to wish to be dead
But I can?t win this fight

I can hear you open my bedroom door
And mutter under you?re breath
But you just leave me on the floor
Praying for my death

Huddled into a ball, in the dark
Blocking out the light
Reality seems so far away
Now that I?ve lost my sight

You look at me in that saddened way
The pain shows in your eyes
Its hurts so bad, when you kneel and say
You think I?m hiding lies

But yet again I shake my head
My body against the wall
I can?t bear to admit the truth
Slumped in this silent fall

Mum, if I could tell you then I would
I promise it with my heart
But I really don?t know what to say
How to explain it from the start

If you only knew the names he called me
The way he said my name
As he lured me in, he knew just how
To play his devious game

He told me I was pretty Mum
When I once hated myself
He made me believe I was really special
Not just another one on his shelf

He took my trust into his hands
And threw it down the drain
He had me hanging on his every word
His doorstep in the rain

Mum, I was only thirteen, a child
How could he do that to me?
I never did anyone wrong to deserve
The names he said to me

How could he do that to a child?
Put his hands around her throat
Force her down and pull her hair
And still be able to gloat?

How could he do that to a child?
Make it hard for her to breathe
As he made her do a sinful thing
Then turn away and leave

He made me feel like dirt Mum
I didn?t know what to do
I cried so many lonely nights
Thinking what he put me through

I kept it all to myself
I buried the pain inside
The only thing I could manage to do
Was curl in a ball and hide

I know I can?t tell you everything Mum
I probably never will
I know that it would break your heart
Even though the pain hurts still

In keeping this sad secret to myself
I?m trying to protect you
Trying to keep this family together
It?s the right thing to do

I hope you never find out
What happened 3 years ago
The memories still haunt me every night
One day they?ll let me go

Sorry it was so long, had to let a lot of things out. For anyone who has been in this situation, I know what you\'re feeling, its the most horrible thing ever.. Take care everyone

love Toni xxx