Living a lie

I don't understand you,
you don't get me,
something is telling me,
that's the way it should be
I still have all these memories,
locked away inside,
along with so many secrets,
I've always tried to hide...
Like how much you really meant to me, and how much you still do..
and why i never answered,
when you'd say "I love you"
why were you so angry?
why did you go away?
why didn't you believe me?
why couldn't you just stay?
You had to get in that car,
you sacrificed your life,
it was like stabbing yourself,
in the heart with a knife...
just to see yourself bleed,
just to feel the pain...
did it make you feel relieved,
or did you feel the same?
did you scream when you were hit?
or just fall to the floor?
was it too much for you to handle?
or could you have taken more?
that night i just stood there,
surrounded by your blood...
feeling you fade away,
falling away from your love...
I still don't understand,
why you left me here.
why didn't you take me with you?
now all i feel is fear...
it scares me to get close to anyone,
because they might do the same,
and now i can't turn to you,
to take away my pain...
i wish that you were here,
i would tell you how much i care,
but that's never gonna happen,
sometimes life just isn't fair...
I feel like it's my fault,
because you never would've gone,
if i would've been there,
to tell you it was wrong...
now i sit here writing,
looking at this tear-stained sand,
i look down at your gravestone,
then at the blood on my hand...
im shaking inconsistently,
my heart is burning up,
i'm trying to hold it in,
trying so hard to be tough.
i don't wanna be here,
i wanna be with you...
but you know that means,
there's only one thing i can do...
i pick up my destiny,
and hold it to my chest,
this is my last verse,
then I'll be left to rest...
I'm coming back to you,
this is how it all ends,
i'll be done with this,
my heart can finally mend...
i guess i just can't do it...
i don't want to die..
i may live in pain,
but i won't live a lie...