I can see that you did not force a few of your rhyme schemes, which is good. It shows that what you say is how you want to say it and not conifned within the boundaries of perfect rhyme. Superb!!!

gr8 job i really loved this poem, im at a loss for words , it was gr8 .. ! Check out my poems if u get a chance id love ur feedback and opinions too .. ! Lol .. well i cant wait to check out ur otha peoms. but gr8 job on this one