I think it good the way you try to express your self, but you seem to be a bit muddled in the way you say it. I all ways say to say the lest if you can to get your point across.
Maybe you should try and play with the words a bit. To give a image in your head of a place or what it or he is like.
As well some times it doesn’t seem to be clear what you are trying to say.
You do get the basic feeling across, but try to say more but playing with the words.
Any way I think it is good and I do get what your trying to say, so in that sense it works keep up the good work.