Gods Lost Angel

Now that i have laid her down to sleep
in the cold Depths at ol' hollows creep
she is forever gone physically from this world
yet her memory remains for me to uncurl

i watched all those around me shed their tears
i watched as all those around me downed those beers
i watched them think of all the good and bad times
i watched as i allowed my family to commit those crimes

i wish there was something that i could have done
but instead i turned a deaf ear and decided to run
i didn't deserve to be there and be the rest
an angel sent here by God to put me to the test.

i failed and didn't even come close to a passing mark
i was swallowed within the Depths of my cold black heart
i watched her die each day i seen her slowly die
each day i wake up and ask myself why ..why why

She was there for me when i needed her the most
she was there for me when i needed a house
she was there for me when i needed a friend
she was there for me right until the very end.

i wish i could say that i was there for her in someway
perhaps if we meet again i will be able to repay her someday
i wish i could have told her how i felt, leaving the hospital room
i would have turned around and let her known before the day of gloom

She will never get to see me marry the girl of my dreams
she will never get to see me down on one of my knee's
she will never get to see me dressed up in a suit
she will never get to see me become a recruit

she won't get to see all the major events in my life
but i am sure that she is in heaven know with strife
i know that there is not a person who can ease this pain
the type you never cry about but always seems to make you complain

what i committed no jury would convict me for
uncaring is not a crime but he hurts ever so more
i wish that i could stop the pain i feel but never will
she lay motionless in the ground like a photo still.

If kindness was cash then you'd be a millionaire
you had that gift and always seemed to share
there is not a person who seemed to notice
i am just letting her know she was too devoted

I wish i could tell her how much she meant
now everyone fights over silly things like a tent
no one cares about her memory or her wishes
they are greedy and fight over antique dish's

each day i wake up and know that there is another fight
each day i know that someone going to yell and scream
each day i keep my lip much too tight
each day i hope that everything is not as it should seem

so in the heart is where i keep my dearest of friend
the more i try the more i keep up this game of pretend
i wish there was something i could trade for you to be here
cause without you i find it hard to look into a shattered mirror.

* In loving memory of my grandmother whom i wrote this poem about just after she died*