Confused over crush

A tear rolls down my check
and i cant make sense of it
other guys hold meanwhile i cry
afraid I'll throw a fit

i don't understand
why i act the way i do
i feel like a retard
and i think you can see it to

you annoy me
yet somehow, argh i don't know
i need to figure these feelings out
before i let them show

you can drive me up a wall
but i cant stop smiling
and your insults hurt
there's something I'm finding

so its impossible to consider
you'd never consider me
so i need to stop hurting myself
and come into reality

but i feel something strange
but i wont bet upon it
and its only with you
but i cant put my finger on it

i want to be your friend
but you don't even want that
so i find myself confused
standing wherever I'm at

who hugging me? don't know
I'm trying to figure this out
why do i go nuts
and your all about

it horrible to know
i never stand a chance
and i wont even get
a first or last dance

your eyes bright blue
i can still see them now
your perfect form
its all i see somehow

i look at in class
while you sit just over there
wishing i could run
my fingers through your hair

why do i cry
when we joke around
maybe its because i know your serious
and i lost what Ive already found

i want to hug you
no that crazy even for me
but i what does my reaction mean
do you hold a key?

i cant have you
you don't want me
i don't like you
so why cant i see?

i wish i knew what was going on
i wanna know the truth
but i know if god told me
i would say he lacks the proof

maybe its better not to know
but i feel awkward
but i find actually talking to you
is becoming quite hard

so i will be myself
or whoever i am around you
while you look at me
saying I'm retarded too