Silent Screams ( Today )

This feeling held locked inside of me
Stirs each and every day
And every night I lose my fight
Trying to find a way

To end my life, to take some pills
Mum locked them in the shed
She took my escape away from me
My demons she has fed

This feeling tells me to search the house
To end my misery
I know one day I’ll stumble across
Some pills eventually

I’ve given up trying to fight my urge
I never seem to win
I end up in hospital again and again
Giving into the deadly sin

I tried to tell my psychiatrist today
I longed with all my heart
To tell him I no longer trust myself
That I’m broken and torn apart

Instead I clung silently to my pride
I sobbed as he looked at me
I mouthed what I wanted to say inside
Hoping that he could see

Instead he looked straight through my soul
In that sympathetic way
As he rested his head upon his hands
His face full of dismay

At the end he asked if there was anything else
I’d like to share with him
I tried but the chance just drifted by
Depression always seems to win

Living from hour to hour, not day to day
Not sure about tomorrow
Not sure if I’ll wake up in hospital again
Buried in my sorrow

One day I know I’ll find my peace
Whether it be death or life
One day I’ll be able to find a place
To exist without this strife

If you could comment on this it wud mean so much, Feeling so alone tonight

Toni xxx