Do you Hate me?

Do you hate me for some reason,
Or are you just too blind to see,
The pain that I have locked inside
The person I'm trying to be?

I'm faking my smile for photos,
Perfecting my lip glossed grin,
I can never be my self anymore
Except in the company of gin.

I'm holding my head up high,
Like some pimped up Barbie doll,
I'm crying my eyes out behind closed doors
It's finally taking its toll.

Are your kisses the same as my smiles?
Are they just for show?
You couldn't possibly understand my pain,
How could you ever know?

The reality is I'm hurting,
And no one can ever know,
I need to be strong, and keep moving along.
Pretend I don't feel low.

I've covered up my tearstains,
I've hidden the scars I've made,
I've cried myself to sleep some nights,
The mascara marks will fade.

And while I'm blowing kisses,
And handing out forced love,
The scars remain beneath my sleeves,
The tear tracks up above.

I kiss your picture every night,
You're all that I have left,
But I don't know your not pretending,
The same about the rest.

The 'in' crowd have no depth,
Just miles and miles of flaws,
They plaster their faces in makeup,
But cry behind closed doors.