Nice poem, interesting subject. Although the rhymes seemed a little forced.

This poem was amazing, i always get my ideas and stuff for poems when i lie awake in my bed, b/cuz then when things are calm and i have all of my privacy and i can just think about what i want to think about and then write, great poem Keep it up

The Rythems were a little forced i know that. But it was something that i had to do because i find poetry is a way to express myself and if i hadn't last night then i might have done something i shouldn't have.

Thank you all for your comments, especially ~*Danielle*~ and Meena. You two are very good writers and to hear such praise from you is a good thing and makes my day shine a little brighter.

Btw, you have to dig REALLY DEEP for the metaphores in this poem. Like the little white rabbit. that is the rabbit from alice in wonderland "oh, no i'm gonna be late, late late late, always late" i use metaphores that perhaps i only understand. I can't shake the habbit and it is something that i prefer, i find it gives me a unique feel. So if they are forced, sometimes you have to peer through the veil and look for the true meaning.

Thank you very much Dane, i don't mind the long comments at all, i prefer them because it gives me something to read when i am trying to sleep. I am glad that i am not the only one who thinks this way. Thank you for you response and i enjoyed reading every bit of it...and now i definately have to check out some of your poems. *besides i usually do check out poems for those who take the time to write comments about mine*

you just made a poem all yourself. All you have to do is look through those words that you said to tell you the truth.

she is really beautiful with a real smile not fake
she looks at me and i begin to debate
the more i look the harder it is to turn away
i still remember those words to this very single day

i love her more then the day is long
i love her more then any other love song
i know that hurting her would be so wrong
because to hurt her would be the ultimate crime

that is why i shall never do it never shall
because she is my greatest love and best pal.
forgetting you would take away the only good thing
a poem will never do, because it can't express how much i love you.

the harder i try the more it won't work
because your beauty is everlast
and mine is just in a smirk.
your memory be in my mind, forever to lurk

if you really want to know how i feel
just look into my eyes and see what they reveal
they will reveal that i love you everyday of my life
but if you know what i know then you know your going to be my wife

so this i say without so much dismay
i ask you to love me even more on this blessed day
the more i speak the harder it becomes
my heart feels like a set of bongo drums

it beats only for you and for the rest of your life
all you have to do is think about it and you won't think twice.
just listen to the next two lines and you can quote this

i love you more then anything in this world.
if you just give me a chance and you become my girl.

honestly though dude, i can't tell you how to feel. My poems are writen with my emotions. So i am sorry if this is a let down. I just think that you made a poem out of your own comments. If there is anything i have learned from writing poetry it is that it must come from a dream..an expierence or something to that nature. i have writen some lines that should help you along. I wrote it all in less then five minutes, i hope that everything works out for you and your girl.
each poem should fit your personality or your experiences. I have had a lot and i am sure that you have also. Just say what you feel at the time, those lines should help you out.

Damn you people write whole essays,lol!
I'll just say it was a wicked adn interesting poem, some funny questions but it gave it character and made fun to read:)
Love
xoxo

your creativity shines through in this poem! I often find myself thinking of the future too and it's a major fear of my own. With one more year of high school and to look around watching friends fall in love, the world seems to fall in front of me. "Dark Savior", (how bout givin me a name lol) just don't ever give up...God brings these things to you when you're ready for it all, someday, weeks or years from now everything's going to fall into place and your long awaited plan will be revealed! God bless your dear heart! thank you for the comment on my new poem, I emailed you as in a private message so it would be between the 2 of us *smiles* Goodnight to you

love Heather.

lol, i have to say, your one of my favorate poets on this entire site... i know exactly how you mean... laying in bed pondering the past, prestent, and future... somthing that anxiety and just plain being human does to a person. i lay in bed, hoping, wondering, wishing, believing, i lay in bed hoping for somethings, wondering about somone, wishing to be happy, believing it will happen some day... basicly.. your not crazy and your very inspiring... great write... i hope to read more.

hey dude it is a great poem. i really liked it and i can actually agree with you that yeah i have a problem too. thinking about all of the things. like why am i here on this earth when so many bad things happen?? but then you read poetry especially poems like yours and it kinda puts everything into a new light. im sorry if i don't make any sense but i have problems communicating what i feel exactly. hope you understand.

very good, a little jumpy but very good. it's like several different stories in one poem. I enjoyed how it wasn't preachy but real and true. Keep on writitng, and I appreciate your comment as well.
*~*Soldier Lover*~*

You’re definitely not alone on this one….as I sit here writing this comment, it is 6:26 A.M. and I’m not nearly tired enough to sleep, yet again. I always had the problem of thinking too much (worrying too much that is)…I’d often find myself furrowing my brow unconsciously…from my worrying over just about everything, many what if’s and why’s and unanswerable questions and the future/past…and what a pain it is when you can’t shut up your own mind…which is the only time I have a problem shutting up. Now I have insomnia, and I can't sleep for more reasons than thinking too much... Enough about me...the poem is outstanding...I love it...truly....

xxx

Woah..its awesome how u came up with a good piece like this one when u couldn't sleep..hhe..
enwei..keep up the gud work. :)