yikes...scary! very angry.... but very well written.. just like I said in the other one, this will be great once you go back through and polish it up...

looking forward to seeing some more poems from you soon... maybe some happy ones?? :)

hey another good one

abby xxxx

Thanks you two;)

Ya i was kinda depress and sad when I wrote these.
Iam working on a happyer poem.
Ill being looking through your peoms=)
once again thanks:)

lol thanks sierra
Iam so glad to that I was able to help you

Ill go look for the rest of your post

-Josiah

Thanks I am glad you like it

Ill keep in touch with ya amy=)

-Josiah

I found three things wrong but I really liked the concept of the poem. In the 2nd paragraph tore-should be-torn. if you used it in the past tense the poem would flow better.
In the 3rd paragraph try ed-should be tried. and the lastthing I would like to mention that the last part of the poem seemed to drastic almost on the boarder of being a drama king oh well I was intresting keep writing you will get there...

I understand that u are angry but u shouldnt say u wanna kill some1..but thats just me ...anyways i like your poems u should check out mine im new so they may not be all that great...my first one is called Dad and my other one is called WHY

you were certainly getting some strong emotion out...good thing you can release some anger through writing...

thanks for the comment :)

xxx

Wow your words are really strong, but its a great poem. I'm looking forward to reading more of your poems. By the way thanks for commenting on my poems that was sweet of you.

Really good poem, however if you meant the last line (which im not quite sure if you did or didnt) i really dont think anyone deserves to die for being a player. Things will come back to haunt her on their own. Just try to move on because someone true will await you in the future. My only suggestion is that you give your love to someone you're sure deserves it:) good piece!

Ana*