I cradle the answer in my hand
I admire it
And its use
I analyze it
Looking at every angle
Before I do anything I must say a prayer
I put the blade beside me
And I drop to my knees
"Dear God, please bless everyone I love.
Even if they don't love me.
Please give everyone I love a happy life.
Let them live it to the fullest.
And succeed in everything.
Bless this blade I am about to use.
Bless me and my decision.
For I have no other choice,
No other way.
Please forgive me too.
Tell everyone I love them,
And I love you too.
Oh, and thank you for being here."
I stay on my knees
But I pick up the blade
I bring it up to my wrist
And slide it across
I hear a knocking at my bedroom door
And then I hear a voice
"Mishel, it's me.
Your mom told me you were in here.
I need to talk to you.
Please, open the door.
Let me see you."
I contemplate opening the door
I look at my wrist
I sigh and I go to the door
I poke my head out
"What do you want?" I ask
"Can I come in?"
I put my arm behind my back and I pull the door open
You sit on my bed
Looking at me
"Well..." I say
"Please sit.
I must say something."
I look away from your eyes
I walk over and sit beside you on my bed
With my arm still behind my back
You begin to talk
But it is too late
I cannot hear anymore
And things are getting blurry
I can feel the blood pouring out
And my eyelids are getting so heavy
I try so hard to stay awake
I feel your arm around me as I fall backwards
You are crying and yelling but I cannot hear you
I can see you holding my bleeding wrist
Trying to cover the deep wound
My eyes want to close
But I force them open one last time
"I love you.
I'm sorry" I wishper
I let my eyes close
And I feel you holding me tight
I know your calling my name
And telling me to wake up
As I drift off into the dark abyss
I feel a tear come down
And I am smiling inside
I chose the right decision
I chose to live in my loved one's hearts
