The last time

I sleep not
My eyes stand open
It takes effort to close them
And I plot something evil
In the back of my mind

I stand in the bathroom
Fill the basin up
I find my comfort
water stirs red with drops
Disturbing its soft beauty in still

I stand, water running down my back
Turn slowly on a pivot
tilt up my head
The water folows the path of my face
Fills my open mouth

I spit it out, confused
What am i doing?
But then i fill my hands
Pour the water into my mouth
Thought drowns me

I love my friends
But i turn my mind away
i breathe out of my nose
And open my airways
Water gushes to my lungs
I gulp for air, splutterng

My head hits plastic,
blood runs again
And i smile