Naomi

This poem is to a friend..enjoy

my entire life Ive been put through ***l
for some reason i cant break out of this shell
theres so many things you don't know
take a minute to learn before you up and go
age 4 was the first time i was sexually abused
scared yet not alone it had me confused
my little sister was there with me
see it happened to her when she was 3
lets move on skip ahead a few years
my moms never there my dads getting sick everyday brings more tears
always lied to by the ones that were close
lead me on to a drug over dose
sexually abused again and 12 and 14
my dad beating my sisters and me
bruises and cuts bloody noses and busted lips
but he has no memory of that, a couple of months ahead ill skip
now were at where i am today
can you see the type of person I'm trying to portray
happy and successful not a worry in the world
but in my mind mixed thoughts and emotions twirled
you don't know how it feels to be me
a flirt and a *lut, *itchy and trashy thats what they all see
but thats not me not at all
who i am and the way i feel to tell the world ill no longer stall
lets start with Lindsey my first true love
she was my god sent angel from up above
now shes gone no longer mine
my heart split down the middle in a broken line
laying awake in my bed at night
i wonder am i still in love with her, is she still my star shining bright
trust me thinking bout that gets me all confused
gets me thinking is my heart still broken or just a little bruised
then theres josh the other who broke my heart
i loved him right from the start
not yet in love but i still cared
mixed feeling and thoughts were shared
no I'm a sucker so i continue to fall into this trap
he says he loves me and cares but maybe your right it might be just crap
walking down the halls sitting outside holding her hand
seeing them together its something i cant stand
next ill tell you bout Daniel, a really good friend
i like him yet i don't i cant tell if friends is where it should end
hes such a great person i don't think hes told me a single lie
if i were to be with him i doubt a sad tear i would cry
puts the sparkle back in my eyes and a smile on my face
but are these real feelings or ones i should just try to erase
so confusing and hard to tell
maybe I'm under some kind of spell
i guess now ill go on to you
my feelings are mixed up i really don't know what to do
i like you some maybe it'll be more someday
when I'm around you i don't know how to act or what to say
your wonderful and sweet but I'm not ready for you
i don't need people talking I'm taking this chance to start over new
I'm sorry if you hurt but trust me your not alone at night
ill be there as a friend to wipe your tears and hold you tight
don't worry its just a burn upon my arm
that little J does no harm
josh is what i want for now
though it might change some day some how
i have said all i feel i should
explained these things the best i could
so now your free to walk away
maybe ill be your friend again someday