Epiphany part1

I just realized how easy it is to upset me.
I should look at what really matters
but is too caught up in my own little world.

So much to see but not seeing it all.
When am I going to be liberated from these rosy shades?
But I'm still keeping my head submersed.

Am I somehow incomplete?
Did God forget to finalize some part of me?
I hate looking at me from the outside.

Cause all I see is what I avoided all these years.
So clear and yet so hidden from all but me.
But that forgotten part of me stops me from ever functioning at all.

I wonder what others think of me.
Should I care?
I am sharing the air they breathe.

I'm an imperfect being.
Tainted by this mind and soul
Forever missing that forgotten piece that makes me complete.

Will anybody ever understand me?
I don't even understand myself.
Even at the best of times.

And if I get to peek inside,
I get sick at what I'm looking at.
Will I be cleansed of this foulness?

Where others pass without judgment
Will I be stopped?
To repent my sins?

What is this world I'm finding me in?
Will I find my way?
Or will I be just another grain of sand on the beach?

Never to be seen...
And so I realize life will never grant you any favors,
but ever so often throws little green leaves your way.

But screw life.
If it had a brain,
It would shoot itself.

Hell yeah. That friggin elevator will never reach the top floor.
And If I had the gun, I'd shoot the little bastard with a smile on my face.
I'd even clear the whole human gene pool off this rock.

Am I pissed right now? Not really.
Just another grain of sand on the beach.
Just trying to pass through life unscathed.

**
I was really ticked off this day but i can't even remember why. I just pulled out a piece of paper and let loose.
This is more my train of thought than a poem.

I kinda altered course with the line
"But screw life.". I know, but that happens if I'm pissed.

Note that I edited a few swear words.

Part 2 is a bit heavy on the swearing and removing them would be like removing the punchline.
Will upload it someday.

I personally refrain from using swear words but on the right (or wrong) day, they can be of some comfort. (if only for a second)

Last words: I really don't care about the votes but please do comment...
**