You can tell it's going to be a bad day when

You wake up face down on the pavement
You call suicide prevention and the put you on hold
You see a "60 minutes" news crew waiting in your office
your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles
Your boss tells you not to take off your hat
You want to put on the cloths you wore home from the party, but there aren't any
You turn on the news and they are showing emergency routs out of the city
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard
your blind date turned out to be your ex-husband
Your husband says"good morning" Sally", and your name is Jennifer