oooh i really had great visuals with this poem. Escpially the thunder parts, oh the horrible storm i pictured in my head. But yeah anyways this was a great piece!!!!

btw this line might need to be looked at :)
The others patted my back and said it is all over lets get to the job done,
the scrabbled around me but I felt I was the only one.

other than that small mistake wow!

Hey it captures and leaves an image in ur head! You are so talented and of all your work - this is one of the best for me. :)

really sad though and a bit creepy :)

I don't usually like the creepy poems but yours was great :)

When I first saw this, the length kind of put me off a little. No structure can sometimes do that to people.

Try spacing it out or placing it into stanzas?

I thought the flow could have been much better in this, it seemed like it was all over the place throughout the entire piece.

However, I loved the imagery you created, very detailed, vivid, and powerful.

The emotion and depth you put into this piece was beautifully done, it was very easy for the reader to sense.

So sad i was gripped all the way, loved it hun xxx alex xxx

That poem was a great story with a simple ending i like it alot great work-
raindrops 5/5