From then to now

At night i crawl into bed
And wonder why life is so unfair
Cry into my pillow
Wake up screaming after another nightmare

Spend the morning waiting for your call
Whats the point? I know you wont
Hope and pray you do
Upset but not surprised when you don't

I try to find the sense in living
When no body likes me
I know mums drinking is my fault
And i only cause her misery

I'm the target for all jokes
And lost to all
But the pain i feel i wont reveal
Cause i wont let them see me fall

Not sure why
Why i choose to stay
Stay with all the mockery
Mockery that wont go away

But for now i'm here
And here i will be
I cry for you now
Not for me

And one day if i leave
Take my life and not come back
Trust me when i say i hate you
And all the love and tenderness you lack!