Dying Alive

I hate myself,
I want to die.
Let the pain,
go through my veins.

Every time I cut,
it never goes deep enough.
Each time I try,
the blood doesn't pour as much.

I'm drowning,
in my own sadness.
My life is a lie,
I am a screw-up.

Weak is my body,
death is in my mind.
My stomach twists and turns,
at the thought of living another day.

Confused and in pain,
as I stare into the darkness.
How has my life,
become so empty?

I dread each and everyday,
my future is a blur.
I just want to close my eyes,
and disappear....I'm giving up.

I've lost myself,
in all of this.
No one can stop it,
but me.

The problem is,
I can't stop it.
It's become me,
all that I think of.

Can anyone tell me,
what my problem is?
Is there anyway,
this pain inside me can be erased?

I feel so dead,
yet I am still living....
Maybe one day the blade will go deep enough,
the blood will pour and I will be happy.