When I moved back home, I made a list
Of things I needed to do, to change my life around
To stop feeling any kind of pain like this
I remember more of the times when I was depressed and sad
The tears streaming down my face, when I'd get mad
Never forgetting exactly what it was that you said
No one would ever love me, ever again
That I was fat with no personality, someone that was better off dead
"Bettye, no one will ever love you like I love you"
For 4 1/2 years I played the fool
"If you ever leave me Bettye, I wish you a lot of luck, because no one will ever love you, go ahead and leave, I don't give a f**k"
Testing me, pushing my buttons, seeing how far you could go
Screaming at me "Go ahead and leave b***h, pack your s**t up and go!"
Leaving July 26th two thousand and three
I had believed every little single thing you had ever said to me
Thanks for brainwashing me, for tearing me down
The girl that I used to be died the night she left town
The moon roof open, the stars streaming by
It wasn't until I hit the California/Nevada state borders
When I finally began to see the light
I could have a fresh start to a new life
I don't have to be with a jerk whose only goal is to cause others strife
I picked my heart up from the ground along with what was left of my self esteem
Suddenly, life wasn't as bad as it was previously foreseen
The clouds were lifted the sun shined through
Never thought I could make it without you...did you?
1 by 1 I check down my list
Letting me know that I've won
Won against the war within my head and heart
I've acknowledged all the lies you used to rip me apart
On a daily basis, you said I was fat, fatter than you
Sorry to say but at that time food satisfied me better than you
50 pounds lighter now by doing all the exercising I could
I'm feeling pretty damn good about myself, as I rightfully should
You made fun of me because of my car
Laughing at me, telling me it'd break down if I drove to far
Take a look at my car now
Brand new, reliable and all mine
It took me awhile to get back on my feet
All I needed was something you never gave me
All I needed was time
The girl I once was, I no longer know
My heart has healed,
Doesn't it finally show?
Everything you said to me was a blatant lie
Why did you hit me? Why did you say those awful things to make me cry?
Why did you drag my soul through the dirt and made me feel like I really deserved to die?
The rage I once possessed within my 2 hands
Was put there by the hurt I went through that nobody knows
Nobody can even begin to understand
for the longest time even after I left
I heard your voice within my head
Whenever I felt sad and low
Your words were there to deliver me another blow
Repeating the taunts you had always said
"Bettye, you're fat,ugly,useless and better off dead"
You said I could never get a real job
and that I would never return to school
I work at the hospital full-time
Going to college at night on my dime
All these things I've done, you said I never could
I used your words to drive me, because in my heart I knew I would
Last on my list of things in my life I had to change around
Is the love of my life you always said I would always lack and would never be found
I've found someone who loves me for me, he makes me feel like I belong
It makes me smile now to know everything you said was wrong
he said "I love you" to me last night
Under the blanket of stars
I didn't even think of you, just the ride that has gotten me this far
Leaving you that night, it was MY decision, it was MY choice
I can relax now,breathe and enjoy life
For I have finally silenced your voice
This poem is true and based on my life. Sorry it was so long, but it came from my heart. This is about my struggle even after leaving an abusive relationship.
I would like to quote a quote I saw at work:(Don't know who wrote it, but it's so true)
"A woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong she is unless she's in hot water"
P.S. Happy to report, as of today, I'm a much happier person
